...

hi

Don't expect daily posts. I just want there to be some content for people who happen to find this site somehow. Perhaps I might do a post every week on the weekend for my life and do an occasional post about anything else whenever I feel like it.

I won't explain how I got to the decision of doing it, but I did some meditation guided by [someone]. I pictured myself in a nice forest on a lawn chair (even though the chair I was actually sitting on was very much not one) next to... Stacy.

Stacy is not a real person. She is a creation of my mind to represent my depression, hopes, and pretty girls. Except her name isn't Stacy, it's [name].

Anyway, she was there, kind of (i know very well she doesn't exist), sitting there and started to speak like the person guiding the entire thing while I try to only focus on breathing before turning to me and saying that she is very aware of the fact that it isn't even her speaking. [game demo that would be a spoiler in this context] type shit.

I did eventually focus fully on breathing. It helped clear my mind off of everything that had happen in the past few days and made me feel a bit better throughout the rest of the day which mainly just consisted of walking and listening to other people talk.

I ate a chicken sandwich. It was pretty good, but I don't think it has felt that good after a few hours.

I have been wondering why I was never told about my autism. It has kind of distorted my view of the past, where I thought everything was... normal. Somehow, because I was never told about it, everything seemed normal despite clearly not being normal. I am pretty sure the signs were there too. Perhaps it is just me and my thoughts though.

The forest reminded me a lot of the past. I used to go to this park back when everything was "normal". It was quite big and as forest-y as an average park can get. It reminded me a lot of that. It also was quite different. It wasn't like the park I used to go to. It was its own thing.

This new forest seems like a nice place.